


What It Can Be

by Bookkbaby



Series: Consent [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, discussion of consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:10:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1584536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookkbaby/pseuds/Bookkbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Your brother doesn’t want me around."</p>
            </blockquote>





	What It Can Be

"Your brother doesn’t want me around."

Sam nearly dropped the book he was holding. He turned to find Cas standing behind him, the newly-human’s eyes downcast and expression stiff and unhappy.

"Hey, Cas," Sam said. He blinked and frowned, the adrenaline from the surprise wearing off and Cas’s words now ready to be parsed. They still didn’t make sense. "What?"

"Dean," Cas said, voice soft on the name. "He wants me to leave."

Sam’s mouth dropped open a little in shock. He was quite certain that Dean  _didn’t_  want Cas to leave. Cas leaving was, in fact, one of the things Dean dreaded and would try to prevent at all costs short of shackling Cas in the basement dungeon.

"What happened?" Sam asked. He motioned towards the table and the chairs set up next to it. He could sense that this was going to be a long conversation or, at the very least, one he’d want to be sitting down for.

Cas settled himself down in one of the chairs, though his shoulders were still tense.

Sam sat in the other chair not covered by clutter and waited.

"Dean has been mentioning apartments for rent in town," Cas said, looking down at his lap. "Then today, he asked me if I didn’t want to go live there instead, perhaps get a job and start paying my own way." He looked up at Sam, eyes wide and painfully upset. "Have I done something wrong?"

Sam winced.

He was going to kill Dean. He’d known his brother was emotionally stunted, but honestly the miscommunication was enough to make Sam want to knock Dean and Cas’s heads together.

Maybe they could all work on communicating a little better, come to think of it.

However, this now put Sam in the incredibly awkward position of having to explain to the love of his brother’s life that no, Dean did want him around, Dean just needed Cas independent so Dean could be sure that Cas’s consent, if given, was real. Sam also needed to somehow do this without revealing either that Dean was painfully in love with Cas or Dean’s reasoning for needing Cas to stand on his own two feet, since either might prompt Cas to go and offer Dean something Cas didn’t want to give in order to keep his place at the bunker.

Just because Dean and Sam knew that Cas was family didn’t mean that Cas believed it.

Sam was sure that the question was also at least partially Dean’s own insecurities coming into play. Dean probably needed some kind of reassurance that Cas wanted to stay with them and in the lifestyle, but the way the question had come out was possibly the worst way.

So. Minefield. Sam felt like he was back at Stanford and taking a pop-quiz that was, oh, only worth his brother’s happiness.

"Sam?"

He’d been quiet for too long. He smiled as encouragingly at Cas as he could, mentally cursing his brother.

"You haven’t done anything wrong, believe me," Sam said. Cas shrugged, a habit he’d picked up from Dean not too long after Falling.

"Then what is it?" Cas asked. He stared down at his hands. "Is there something I can do so that Dean will want me to stay?"

"No," Sam said shortly, and probably far too quickly if the surprised look Cas gave him was anything to go by. Sam smiled again to try and cover it up. "You don’t have to do anything, Cas. You’re family, all right?"

Cas’s expression faded back to unhappiness.

"Am I?" he asked, clearly not believing it. "I’ve done so much wrong, to both you and Dean… to Heaven, to Earth…" Cas shrugged again, throat working visibly as he swallowed. "Perhaps I should be alone."

Sam didn’t know what to say. It was true Cas had messed up, but they  _all_  had, with various levels of worldwide catastrophe following after.

Sam tried to imagine the look on Dean’s face if Cas actually did leave and, God forbid, cut off all communication with the Winchesters in the name of protecting them from whatever bad luck Cas thought followed in his footsteps. The image was painful and Sam winced in sympathy.

"We’ve all made mistakes, Cas," Sam said, hoping he sounded encouraging. "But look, Dean cares about you a lot-"

Cas looked up at that and Sam hurriedly went on.

"I do too." Though definitely not in the same way. "So I’m sure Dean doesn’t want you to leave. He just wants to, y’know." Sam made a vague hand gesture that hopefully encompassed the entirety of the human experience. "Make sure you don’t rely on us for everything."

Cas’s face fell.

"Have I asked too much of you?" he asked quietly, clearly hoping the answer would be ‘no’, but steeling himself for a ‘yes’. "I know that mere chores can’t begin to repay-"

"Hey, hey," Sam said, cutting that train of thought off at the start. "You’re family, ok? You don’t owe us anything for living here, and you do more than pull your weight in terms of chores."

Cas’s face contorted into an expression of frustration.

"Then why does Dean want me to leave?" he asked.

"Trust me, he doesn’t," Sam said. "He really, really doesn’t, he just doesn’t want you to feel like you owe us anything, or that you have to earn your place here."

"But I do!" Cas snapped. Sam sat back in his chair, surprised by the sudden vehemence. "Were it not for you and your brother, I would have died of hunger, or exposure, or sickness. Were it not for your brother… I would not be who and what I am today." Cas’s voice shrank, weariness eclipsing anger. "How do I repay that?"

"By accepting it?" Sam said gently. He placed a companionable hand on Cas’s shoulder. "We don’t want you doing anything you don’t want to because you think you owe us." Sam thought of Dean’s tensed shoulders and pinched, longing expression when he’d spoken to Dean last week about Cas. "Dean especially."

Cas’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“‘Anything I don’t want to’?” he echoed. “I don’t really mind doing the chores. I even enjoy some of them, but I wouldn’t say I /want/ to. But if you or Dean asks…”

"Well, there are some things you shouldn’t do unless you really want to do them," Sam said.

"Like sex," Cas said nonchalantly.

Sam spluttered and pulled his hand back like he’d been burned. Cas frowned and looked at Sam in concern. Only then did Sam realize that Cas had just been throwing out an example to check his understanding, not connecting the idea of sex to ‘things Cas should only do at the bunker if he wanted to and not just because Dean asked’.

"Good example!" Sam said with false cheer, scrambling to try and figure out how to cover up his reaction. "I mean, it obviously doesn’t apply here because you’re not— you know, and you shouldn’t unless you really, really wanted to, because— you don’t  _owe_  anybody that, I mean-“

Cas’s eyes were narrowing, calculating and shrewd, and Sam clamped his mouth shut before he said too much.

Judging from the slow dawn of realization in Cas’s eyes, it was too late.

"That’s why Dean wants me out," Cas said slowly. "Because he desires me and does not want me to feel like I ‘owe’ him sex."

"He cares about you a lot," Sam said desperately, internally panicking that he’d just accidentally ruined everything. "He would never-"

"He does," Cas said, still slow, but questioning and carrying a note of awe. He shook himself and looked at Sam. "And I know he would never do anything unless I gave him my consent."

Cas stood, clearly intending the conversation to be over, but Sam was far from done now that this clusterfuck had come to a head. He stood as well, holding his hands out in silent entreaty for Cas to wait. Cas paused, curious.

"Cas, please don’t do this just for Dean," Sam said. "Please."

Cas smiled. It was the first real, truly uncomplicated expression of happiness Sam had seen on his face in a long time. Hope began to creep in beside the panic.

"I understand consent, Sam," Cas said softly. "Agreement without coercion of any kind, freely given, enthusiastic, and informed." Cas glanced towards the door to the library, knowing the Dean was somewhere in the bunker beyond that door. "I would not tell him ‘yes’ if I could not also give him my consent."

"But do you want to? For yourself?" Sam asked. He’ll probably feel so awkward about asking later, but he can’t in good conscience let Cas walk out without trying to talk him out of it if Cas is simply going along with what Dean wants.

Cas looked Sam in the eye, intense and serious. Sam shivered, wondering how on earth Dean dealt with so much force being leveled at him on a daily basis.

"I am in love with him, Sam," Cas said softly. "I would be with him in any way he would have me, and if that can include this too, then yes, I want it."

Castiel’s voice was filled with raw longing. It wasn’t quite hunger, and despite the subject matter it wasn’t carnal either.

Cas, Sam realized, just wanted to be with Dean in ways that Sam couldn’t quite understand, and he wasn’t sure if that was due to Cas being a former angel or just some aspect of him being  _Cas_. He thought it was probably the latter.

Whatever it is, Sam felt his worries ease.

"As long as you want this…" Sam said slowly, seriously. He breathed in. "As long as it’s for you and not because you think you owe us, then… go get him. Good luck."

He tried not to think about the inherent awkwardness of giving a close friend encouragement to go sleep with his brother. It could hit him later, when things had all worked out.

"Thank you, Sam," Cas said. He smiled and left, his expression much more hopeful than it had been when he’d entered the library.

Sam sighed and fell back into his chair.

**Author's Note:**

> Also on tumblr at bookkbaby.tumblr.com!


End file.
